Wednesday, June 27, 2012

(Disclaimer: Most of the men I spend time with are married, and I know they love their wives, so this is not an indictment on them, but on men in general. Just to be clear. I am not discriminating).
But what is it about love that makes it so scary or mysterious that as men we are not quick to show love outwardly or express it with our words, especially when there are other people around? Maybe we want to send some kind of message that we are in control. Perhaps we are afraid to be seen as weak or less manly if we do what we are asked to do when we are asked to do it (Note: women like it when we do thing without even having to be asked, but if we do it when they ask us to and before they can ask us again, this seems to be equally as acceptable). 
In reality, the most manly, brave, admirable men I know are those who love well and are not afraid to show it. We can show love with simple words, actions, glances and touches. Our women are dying to be loved. They talk about it to other women. They stress about it. They hurt because of it. And we can fix it, men.
The lyrics of a popular Mumford & Sons song, "Sigh No More," explain that love will not betray you, dismay you or enslave you.
While those who have had their heart broken can say they were betrayed, it was not love that betrayed them but the incompatibility of those two people for whatever reason. Love was not the culprit - you were or she was or, more likely, you both were.
I looked up the word "dismay" and found it to mean "to break down the courage of completely." If that doesn't sound like something men want to avoid like the plague then I don't know what does. If love were to take away all of our courage as to dishearten us thoroughly, who -man or woman - would ever want to be in love or feel love? Again, the feeling of a love lost can leave us empty, but only for a time. We have all gotten over it.
To enslave is to reduce to slavery, as if love could make us do anything it told us to do without ever letting us go or do anything on our own free will. We have probably all been there, willing to do anything our love interest asked (or told) us to do for the sake of proving our love. A man, when stricken by the woman who will be his wife, will do crazy things, but they are on his own accord.
In my experience, true love does not need to be proved. It is obvious. It is felt. It is there. Whether that is the supreme love of our Creator, the unconditional love a parent has for their child or the beautiful love of a spouse, it is unexplainable yet obvious.
Yet something happens when we get married and, after a few years, that unbridled love has been put in the stable, only to be brought out on birthdays and anniversaries. This is evident in the extreme divorce rates and the even higher number of marriages that are void of love.
There are dozens of places in the Bible where God commands us to love others and specifically tells husbands to love their wives. In Colossians, he adds that we should not become bitter toward them either. In the "love chapter" of the Bible (First Corinthians 13), Paul writes that love is kind and honors others, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
The same Mumford song goes on to say that love "will set you free" and make you "more like the man you were made to be."
While I believe the only way to make those statements entirely true is to substitute God for the word love, as in often done in First Corinthians 13, I do agree that if we are willing to show our women the love they desperately deserve, we will become the men God has created us to be.
Men, let us honor our women. Don't be angry or self-seeking. Protect her. Love her above yourself. Don't be a wimp - go tell your woman you love her, and if there are some other people around, say it louder!