So I'm a father now, which is very weird and awesome and surreal. My son, Grayson, is hilarious and sleeps a lot so far (at least in the 22 hours that he has been around), as long as I swaddle him. I should start a business teaching dads how to swaddle babies because I am really, really good at it.
I waited for this day for years, since way before Grayson was thought about. What would it be like to be a dad? How will I raise a kid? How soon can we play catch? I'm sure I didn't dream about it the way Kate and so many other girls dream about being moms as they play house growing up, but I always knew I wanted to have a family of my own, and I was excited to get married and become a dad.
Granted, I was resistant and scared when Kate was ready to start that family before I was, but from the day we found out she was pregnant, I waited for this day (well, yesterday actually) as I knew our dreams would come true.

Sorry, had to change another diaper...

Parents always say things like, do everything you want to do before you have kids, and kids change everything. Of course they do. And what could I do before kids that I can't do now - travel the world? Drink 300 types of beer? Stay out past 8 p.m.? I wouldn't do any of those things anyway. A friend of mine told me having a kid was a great excuse to be home before 7 and in bed by 9. Sounds like a great night to me!
While some parents might be spending their nights dreaming of experiences lost, I will spend mine watching my son grow into a man and trying to help him do that every step of the way.

The hammer holds

I was early with my Valentine's Day post, so here are some words of encouragement, courtesy of Bebo Norman. This song played repeatedly in my CD player when I was an young Christian, but I am still being molded and shaped by the Maker, always waiting to see what he has for me next.
That shaping can often feel like hammering, leaving us in pain and wondering why we had to experience the latest trial. But as we continue to walk with God, the pain of that shaping is subdued as we begin to understand that all that hammering and the burning flames were transforming us into something different, with a new purpose.
I have to realize it is not always for me to know what comes next, but to rest in the fact that God is in control. Easier said than done.
And if you like this song, check out Bebo's early stuff, especially Ten Thousand Days.

A shapeless piece of steel, that's all I claim to be
This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams
I glow with fire and fury, as I'm twisted like a vine
My final shape, my final form I'm sure I'm bound to find

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

And the water, it cools me gray, and the hurt's subdued somehow
I have my shape, this sharpened point, what is my purpose now?
And the question still remains, what am I to be?
Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

The hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel
This force that drives me, helplessly, through flesh, and wood reveals
A burn that burns much deeper, it's more than I can stand
The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

This task before me may seem unclear
But it, my maker holds

Happy Valentine's Day

When women envision “romance” or think of a “romantic night out,” they typically think of a man surprising them with flowers and a candlelight dinner, all in an attempt to impress her. Men would probably add that the night would get a little more “personal.”
Love makes people do and believe crazy things, like the lie that says love is what you make of it, or those who mistake romance and lust for love.
The only real, true love comes from God. The only type of “romance” we will ever experience is believing that God loved us so much that he sent his only Son to be a sacrifice so we would not have to live an eternal life in the worst place imaginable – a million times worse than any natural disaster area.
When I met my wife, I fell for all the cliches. It was love at first sight, despite what I thought of her outfit (it was the first time I saw someone wear tights under a skirt). I barely knew her name, and didn’t know her last name, but that didn't matter because I knew I would give her mine. There was something radically different about this woman, and it wasn’t just her clothes. It was her genuine love for Christ that was most attractive (other than her obvious physical beauty).
For some reason, it is often harder to feel that same unrequited love toward God than it is toward a member of the opposite sex. My love for God was not love at first sight. I knew all the Sunday School stories and even believed in God from quite an early age. But I spent most the next 10 years getting entangled in the holes of the world’s romantic lies, believing that I could be satisfied by earthly love or alcohol or the pursuit of money. Everything in our society promises enjoyment, most of it immediately or your money back. I am not the first person to say that this is simply not true.
What makes it different when I say it? Admittedly nothing, other than the fact that I am just like you and lived those lies for years, even after deciding to follow Christ. I never thought I had much to offer anyone, but that was a lie too. We all have influence over the people around us. Even me. Even you.
So with Valentine's Day coming up, whether you will be spending time with a loved one or not, enjoy some time with the One who loved you first. Consider what God means to your life, if you believe he's real, if you believe he can move in your life, if you believe he has, if you believe he loves you.
And for some light reading, check out some history on Valentine's Day, named for several early Christian martyrs.

Several months ago, Kate and I were worried about what to name our son, who will be joining us in about six weeks. We looked at name lists, family trees and the Bible for inspiration. I made a big deal in a post about the meaning of a name, and then the name we chose - Grayson - means son of the bailiff. That's right. The courtroom security guy. But it really was the only name that was always on our ever-changing list, the only one that was never removed, as may were taken off and put back on.
So, what's in a name, I asked. When it comes to naming children, there is a lot of pressure to make sure he doesn't get beat up or made fun of, but as long as we like it, that's what really matters, right?
In Biblical times, parents were often told what to name their children or they were given a name that would literally define their life. Take Jacob, for example. He was a twin, born second, and named heel-grabber, which also meant deceiver. He went through life tricking his brother and taking advantage of him, only to be renamed by God. After wrestling with God all night, Jacob was given the name Israel, meaning one who struggles or wrestles with God (for a great story of transformation and redemption, read Genesis chapters 25-32).
Jacob didn't pick either of his names, but he lived up to them. For good or for bad. There's a parallel here somewhere to the way God moves in our lives.
From the beginning of time, I believe, God has called each of us to a certain life. He created us exactly the way we are. Sure, our parents gave us a name, but it is up to us to answer God's call on our life. To follow him or not. I believe God wants us all to chose him, to chose eternal life with him, but he doesn't force us into that decision. I also believe he knows what we will chose before we chose it. I can't get into a theology debate here (even though it would be with myself) about free will versus predestination. I just can't do it.
I can tell you that God tried to get a hold of me around age 14 when for some reason I developed a strange interest in Christian music. I started to pray on occasion but I still don't know why. God called. I didn't answer.
Fortunately, he called again when I was 16, and this time I was more than happy to pick up. I could have continued to ride the fence and never taken the plunge, or whatever cliche you want to use. I could have stayed in my bubble, continuing to live in a fantasy world where I could satisfy myself and the things of this world would fill me up. If I hadn't turned to God then, I'm not saying he wouldn't have tried to reach me again, but I don't know if I would have been accepting. God wanted me to accept his offer of everlasting love, but I wasn't ready for it. There might be a lot of people out there who God is calling to, but who just aren't willing or ready to say yes to the gifts he has for us.

Ryan goes to an art museum

I feel cultured today after my first trip to the Cincinnati Art Museum - actually my first time at any art museum. There is a Picasso exhibit at the museum right now, and I never realized the drastic differences from one of his pieces to the next. I guess the genius behind Picasso is that one painting is the most magnificent thing you could imagine and the next, if I drew it, you would even think it was terrible. I envied the talent of all the artists displayed there and their ability to imagine and create such vivid pictures and stories through their art.
It really got me thinking about the story I am telling and what I am creating.
My grandfather was an artist, a painter mostly, but he could also build anything you asked him too. How I wish I had his talent when it comes to art! I can't build either. Kate takes care of most of the handy work around our house.
I suppose writing is my art form, as that is where my creativity comes out (or at least I'd like to think so). I don't write enough, as evidenced by my lack of posts recently, which I think happens to many people like me, who are ambitious at first but let that fade away. If I don't write, I won't be any good at it, and I won't have an outlet to release many of my thoughts.
But more than that, as the reality sets in that my son will be born in less than two months, I am more concerned with the story my life is telling rather than my words. I am going to be entrusted with caring for and loving this child, and raising him to be a man who loves God and wants to serve him because he wants to and not because I told him to.
Don't get me wrong - I can't wait to play catch with him and watch him strike out and hit home runs and give him unsolicited fatherly advice. But it really is a lot of pressure, especially if I take an honest look at my life. I am far too concerned with myself right now, often spending too much time thinking about work or being upset that I can't do what I want to do because of this or that. I better get used to someone else dictating my schedule though. I have always wanted to be a dad and I can't wait until my boy is born, but I have a lot of work to do before that happens.
By the way, Kate and I really enjoyed the paintings of Jean-Baptiste-Camille Corot. I encourage you to Google image his stuff and find something that tells you a story, then take some time to think about how you express yourself. What is your art? What are you creating?

The reason for the season

Christmas has come and gone, and although we celebrated the birth of Jesus yesterday, God was very generous to us. All the gift-giving and getting made me think about what it is I am doing to give back to the God who saved me.
I know my Christian faith is not about works but about faith, but the apostle Paul said, show me your faith without deeds and I will show you my faith by what I do. Paul isn't saying that we need to do things for God but that our lives should reflect the faith we have in Christ, who died for our salvation. I won't go through my list of "things" I think I am doing to serve God, and I don't need to, but my challenge to you - and probably more to myself - is to take some time before another year ends to reflect on what your life is about and whether it reflects to other people what you believe. I hope that mine does, but I know too often it does not, and I will be making a concerted effort to continue the change that is taking place in my life.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Plans

Who knew Chick-fil-A could be the source of so much love? Since I started working there two years ago, two dating couples have formed among team members, one has gone out with another mall employee, and if you ask my boss's wife, who also works there, she isn't done playing match-maker. And that's not to mention the man-love between me and my friend Joe.
Along with the friendships, I can also say that I really enjoying working there. I have my moments and sometimes even days of frustration, like at any job, but it's rare to find a place I look forward to going to every day, seeing my co-workers and catching up with them, and really serving right beside them as we try to give people more than just the best chicken sandwich money can buy.
It seems like a cheesy thing to say about a job, especially when my boss will likely read this, but it's true. We had our Christmas party today and his wife made several comments about how much she likes working with the tram we have, and I agree. That's really what got me thinking about this whole thing. At my previous jobs, I never saw how I fit there, always knowing there was more out there for me, wondering and hoping for what God had for me next. I never would have imagined it was managing a "quick service restaurant," but what do I know. What do any of us know as far as God's plans for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29).
He gave me hope and a future my freeing me of the chains of my old desk job and putting me into a place outside my comfort zone, making me an introvert in a very extroverted profession of service. It can be exhausting to interact with people on so many different levels for an entire day's work, on top of managing the day, the team, the products, etc.
But it is rewarding. Steve (my boss) has his mission posted on our door - changing lives every day. It is exciting to be a part of that, and I have to remind myself of that greater goal when things get stressful and people want their chicken two minutes ago and we don't have something because I didn't order it.
I posted a while ago about how I don't like things, but if I had to make a list, in no particular order, I would say that I like my wife, my son, Jesus, my job, writing, listening to music and sports. Until two years ago, my job would not have been anywhere near a list of things I liked. It probably wouldn't have even been on a list of things I hated. I would have had to make up a word for such distaste.
So to conclude the love-fest, I will say thank you to Steve for taking a chance on me, and thank you to God for saving me from a sad, dark office and taking me to a less-sad, much brighter mall where I get to work with some great people and serve God at the same time.

Jeremiah 29:11-14: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity."